(no subject)

ugh...i've had to do physical labor today. Yuk. Now I feel like i'm about to fall asleep.

(no subject)

I am so depressed. Well, it's more than that. I'm pissed off, depressed, and all around upset. Tonight at the Mug started off ok, but went downhill around 8:30ish. The night started with me pretty much giving my notice to the girl doing the schedules because I'm pretty sure all the powders I have to deal with to make drinks is causing me to get migraines the next day. That went ok though. We were really slow all night, so I pulled off my laptop and was dinking around on it, reading some comics I had downloaded, watching some videos, but I was at the counter ready to jump up when a customer came up. I was basically shoved to the side (once physically, others emotionally) when a customer came up and I ran around to help them. Ok, I know I was sitting there playing on my laptop, but I'm on the clock so to speak, so playing on my laptop comes second. I know this and have zero problems with it. This is my job on Friday nights. Customers come first. Telling me to go back to my video or comic in front of the customer is not only rude, but it's unprofessional. If there's a problem with me using my laptop while I'm working, something I've done for months when it's slow, then take me aside and tell me in private. I'm not quitting the Mug because I want to. I'm quitting because I'm getting freaking huge migraines the next morning. If you don't believe me fine, but you don't have to deal with the headaches I've been having. I know what a migraine is, people that have never had one don't have a clue. So yeah, I'm already emotional about that, but I was eventually behind the counter by myself with Bill coming up to help me when customers come up. Two people is a good number to work the counter. Three is ok, but almost too much. Four, which is what we had from 9 until 10, is overkill. only 2 or 3 can be behind the counter and have room to work. But anyways, I was working behind the counter trying to smile, because I was still representing the Mug regardless of my mood. It's hard to do, but I recognise that this isn't a game or just something to do on Fridays. I'm trying to treat this as a real job that I'd get paid for. I don't really see that from a lot of workers there.

Anyways, that's the reason I'm pissed off and stuff. I'm depressed because I'm invisible. I know that people can see me some of the times, but I have talked to a lot of people lately that either ignore me or look for the first opportunity to get away. Tonite I was asking a friend (should I have used quotation marks? hrm...) about a contemporary service Sunday morning that he goes to. I haven't been to a Sunday morning service in close to a year I think. I've been involved with the services at the Mug on Sunday nights, and a weekly Bible study with a group of guys from the Mug on Wednesdays, but I haven't been to a real church service in a while. He had told me Wednesday about this so I though that was an invitation to check it out. Apparently not. As I was asking him about it a girl walked in and they immediately started talking. "um...excuse me..." Yeah, I know I'm not as good looking, but I was in the middle of a sentence when he just started talking to the girl. So now I don't think I'm going to check out that church. Big crowds make me nervous anyways. And I can't call Teresa about any of this because it's too late, so I'll probably just e-mail her this entry. It really stinks not being able to talk to the person that you are used to talking about stuff like this and cares about you regardless of how stupid you can be.

So anyways, I wanted to get all that out before I got in the shower and forgot it all like I tend to do.